Apparently there is something about me that keeps death ever
present in my life. Not only in my
personal relationships of losing people but being near or knowing someone who
dies, often tragically. Those factors
weighed heavily in my ending up in forensic death investigation. I feel as if I am always waiting for the
proverbial shoe to drop…. When am I going to lose another friend or loved
one? In the last couple of months I lost
an uncle whom was around most of my life, even in adult hood and I had been
visiting him in the end. In the same
time frame 2 dear friends lost parents of whom I knew and had at some point in
my life been someone I was interactive with and influential to me. The sudden influx of loss has caused me to be
even more reflective that usual. On a more optimistic note, the several losses
of late have been situations in which each person, for different health
reasons, had no quality of life left and could no longer enjoy even the company
of visitors. Of course I can’t say there
is anything optimistic for those left behind to make arrangements, not to
mention grieve. Next week I will be
helping (to the best of my limited ability) to sort through my uncle’s
possessions. I am not expecting anything
of monetary value but I look forward to seeing what craft materials I can make
use of that belonged to my aunt, who passed several years ago. Having been gardening lately, as well as my
little memorial garden where my mom and dad stay in their custom ordered
granite block urns made for outdoors, I am hoping I can find something I can
add to the garden as a decoration or hang on the fence to add as a memory of my
uncle. My wonderful husband built me a beautiful
bench from a piece of support beam left over from the house we built my father
when he came to live with us. I am able
to sit on the bench and face the garden or sit the other direction and look out
at the cluster of pine trees and apple trees toward the front of our
house. Both are peaceful options. My coworkers, family and friends had
generously provided me with multiple rose bushes for the garden as my mother
loved roses. Unfortunately we discovered
the little section of the yard is shaded for most of the day by the neighbor’s
huge trees. The bushes were hanging in
there pretty well until a hungry gopher decided to make his home in the garden
and go figure – the bushes did not do so well after losing their roots! I am now in the process of researching some
shade loving flowers and plants that are not toxic to my leaf loving pups. I am thinking maybe some plats that attract
butterflies and humming birds then put another hummingbird feeder closer to the
garden. The humming birds have finally
been feeding from the one I put out front that we can see from our deck.
Somebody reading may be asking by this point, what does all
this have to do with my website and my work in death investigation – well to
put it simply it is things like gardening and putting out hummingbird feeders
that are a few of the many hobbies, projects, and activities that help me heal
from all that I have seen and experienced as well as helping keep me a bit
sane. Okay, I confess the level of my
sanity is subjective! I used to say being crazy was a job requirement because a
normal sane person would voluntarily go into a house full of cockroaches and a
dead body, or do an autopsy on someone so decomposed you are scooping maggots
by the handful so you can get to the flesh to cut. Not to mention the part
about having to go to neighborhoods that are quite dangerous and yet you have
to go there in the middle of the night so you can knock on the door of an
unknown house and tell someone their loved one is dead and hope you get that
far before they try to fight you because they hate all cops and won’t listen to
what you are trying to say. I once got
tired of such a game with a parole who denied knowing the decedent or admitting
he was who I was looking for so I said “well if somehow you come across anyone
who does know Mrs. X, please tell her family that she is dead. I tossed my
business card at him and walked (backwards) towards my unit. The big scary man then started to cry and
decide to play nice. Not the way I
prefer to tell someone such bad news but I can only play games for so long
before I have to move on. Notifications
are awful. Having to tell someone their
loved one is never coming home. Having
to take a deceased infant from a mother’s arms…. See if you aren’t messed up in the head before
you take on this job, what you see, what you do, and what it does to your mind
WILL mess you up.
People, who have worked jobs like mine, as well as writers,
tend to think differently. For instance
tonight while watching a show about different areas of the US, they showed
Yellowstone Park and its bubbling mud pits and hot water pools. Apparently the water in some of those pools,
although beautiful, is super hot and very acidic – and of course I turned to my
husband and said what a great place to dump a body. I find myself thinking that as I pass
ravines and clumps of trees too. It’s
the leftover of the job and the creativity of a writer…. Or am I on the way to
psychopath?
06/06/16
So to finish this post up let me just say the day after I
wrote the previous about death being such a part of my life – my daughter’s
bird died, as well as my friend’s grandmother that I have known for years and
adored her as she is, I mean was, such a lovely women and an example to all who
knew her.
As for my parents’ memorial garden. I have redone it. In
containers as that has been working well in my herb and veggie garden AND it
will keep the gophers from destroying it! I spent almost 2 hours as the local
Home Depot trying to find nice shade loving plants that were also NON toxic to
dogs! I found several that will provide a variety a color and be easy to
maintain. I also added some soft light
solar lights since I already had strung tiny “fairy” lights along the top of
the wooden fence. I got some pretty but
appropriate decorations and also hung one of my favorite lighthouse wind chimes.
I can now feel good about the garden again.
That shall be it for now!!
Karen Sue
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